The Floor is Lava Day
by SiFi270
Summary: Before Ryuko can even get out of bed, Mako has a shocking announcement: For the entire day, the floor is lava! Hilarity ensues, but will everyone make it out all right?


In the household of Ryuko Matoi and Mako Mankanshoku, Ryuko was usually the first to get out of bed in the morning, but exceptions could be expected when it was Christmas or some other exciting occasion.

When Ryuko woke up that morning, she found the other side of the bed unoccupied, leading her to wonder what today could possibly be. Nothing Mako did or said the day before suggested that there might be something special about today. Maybe she just woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep?

Deciding the answer wouldn't come to her while she stayed in bed, Ryuko sat up and turned towards the floor, but before her foot could touch it, she heard Mako's panicked voice.

"Ryuko, _no!_"

In the space of a few moments, Mako leapt onto the other side of the bed and grabbed Ryuko from behind, pulling her back with extreme force. If anyone else had done this, Ryuko would have been furious, but since it was Mako, there must have been a decent explanation.

"What's wrong, Mako?" She said.

"Don't you know?" Mako said. "You haven't forgotten, have you?"

"Forgotten what?" Ryuko said.

"Today's the day!" Mako said. "The most dangerous day of the year!"

Ryuko continued to stare blankly.

"It's _The Floor is Lava Day!_"

"Oh…" Dread covered Ryuko's face. "Oh no…"

Of course, Ryuko knew that even on _The Floor is Lava Day_, the floor wasn't actually lava. But if Mako was going to take it this seriously, then that meant anyone else in the house would also have to take it seriously.

"So, um…" Ryuko said awkwardly. "...how am I going to get out of bed? I still have to go to work today."

Mako cheerfully gestured over her side of the bed. "I made some stepping stones for us!"

Ryuko peered over and found a few pillows leading away from the bed and towards a similar trail of oversized stuffed animals. As these disappeared around a corner, Ryuko found herself with another question.

"Are the stairs lava too?"

"Nah," Mako said. "That was too complicated. I tried sliding down the handrail, but that isn't nearly as easy as they make it look on TV!"

"You say that about a lot of things," Ryuko said as she carefully traversed the stepping stones. "Disturbingly enough, your dad once said the exact opposite about surgery."

* * *

At the breakfast table, Ryuko found it surprisingly relaxing to have her feet resting on another chair, and considered doing so even on days when the floor wasn't lava. She gave a calm sigh as she spread some lemon marmalade onto her toast and squeezed some lemon juice into her coffee did I mention she likes lemons she eats one in the first episode that should be enough to convince anyone

"So I managed to drag your bike over to the window," Mako said casually, standing on a chair next to Ryuko. "So when you go to work, you can just climb out onto it!"

"Um…" Ryuko's hand stopped moving towards her mouth. "...thanks?"

"Hey, no problem!" She affectionately pinched Ryuko's cheek. "Anything to get you to work safely!"

* * *

Kaneo Takarada was a surprisingly patient man for such a firm believer in the phrase 'time is money'. Of course, money was something he had so much of that no loss seemed like a waste to him, no matter how pointless. So just as he didn't believe in a waste of money, he didn't believe in a waste of time either.

This was why he was so calm when Ryuko Matoi arrived nearly an hour late to work, even though she was otherwise the most punctual worker he had.

"Sorry I'm late," she said breathlessly. "Mako decided that today's 'The Floor is Lava Day', and you know firsthand how far she takes things like this..."

Takarada's eyes widened. "Oh shit, that's today? I had no idea!"

"what" Ryuko said.

"Listen, you can just go home today," he said. "Can you imagine the lawsuits if I let you work in this deathtrap?"

"But this is."

"No," he said firmly. "The floor is lava. Osaka will have to be rebuilt another day."

"Are you serious about this?" She said.

"Dead serious," he said. "Go on now. You've got a day off. Don't let it go to waste."

While Ryuko still had objections, she just couldn't think of how to form them into words, and so she simply rode home to her home full of lava.

* * *

Now that she actually had the freedom to appreciate it, Ryuko actually found The Floor is Lava Day to be quite fun. She could see why people would enjoy this for a few minutes, and she could also see why Mako would want to extend it to an entire day. It took her hours before she finally realized that she'd soon have to face sitcom plot number 15.

"Satsuki and Nonon are supposed to be visiting this afternoon!" She said.

"I know!" Mako said. "It's going to be incredible!"

"I don't know," Ryuko said. "I can easily see it turning into a disaster."

"Don't be silly!" Mako giggled. "The only way things could go wrong is if…"

Ding dong.

In a flash, Mako was leaning out of the window. "Hey guys! I'm afraid you can't come in through the front door today. The floor is lava."

"Oh my god…" Nonon rolled her eyes before resting them in her palm.

Satsuki gave her a 'now now' look before returning her attention to Mako. "An earlier warning would have been appreciated," she said as Mako helped her through the window. "Nonon, would you like me to…"

"I can manage on my own," she said bitterly before sitting herself on the couch. "...you know, if we were actually this close to lava, we'd be dead anyway."

"How do you know?" Mako pointed accusingly. "Have you ever been this close to lava before?"

Nonon simply glared at her before producing a cellphone from her pocket and dialing. "...Hey, Doggles? Can you explain to Underachiever here how close you'd have to be to lava for it to kill you, and why that is?"

On the other end of the line, Inumuta sighed. "Maybe it's time you finally put your nicknaming to rest. As for Mankanshoku, I can only try."

"Hey, catch." Nonon tossed the phone over to Mako, who clumsily juggled it for a few seconds before it fell to the floor. Over the awkward silence that followed, Inumuta's voice could faintly be heard.

"If you hold your hand over an open flame, you'll find that even though you're not directly touching the flame, the heat still rises towards…"

"Sorry about your phone," Mako said solemnly. "I can get you a new one if you want."

"_Or_," Nonon said stubbornly, "I could just walk over and pick it up. It's still fine, you can hear him droning and everything."

"Nonon," Mako said, "you were just telling me about how this whole situation is more dangerous than I'm making it out to be. You can't just change your stance like that!"

Nonon didn't respond to this at first, but her eye was visibly twitching, and Satsuki was prepared to restrain her. Finally, she roared with frustration and leapt from the couch, landing next to her phone. With a quick swipe, she picked it from the ground and displayed it proudly.

"See? The floor isn't lava, and I'm totally fine walking on i-"

"_Nooooo!_"

After her burst of melodrama, Mako made her way over to the couch Satsuki was on and hugged her uncomfortably.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Satsuki," she said with fake tears. "She was so young… Sometimes when I looked at her I saw a little girl trapped inside an even smaller girl's body!"

"Hey!" Nonon snapped. "Get your hands off my Satsuki!" She lunged towards Mako and pried her off Satsuki, bringing her to the floor in the process.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Mako said.

Ryuko and Satsuki watched helplessly as a massive kerfuffle soon ensued between the other two. It was an intense duel the likes of which had never been seen before, except perhaps in _Revenge of the Sith_ or at the end of many a _Mario_ game. The point is, lava makes a good setting for a final showdown. Much less risky than outer space.

"I suppose I'd better prepare dinner," Satsuki said.

"You?" Ryuko said. "But you're a guest!"

"Yes," Satsuki said, "but I'm a guest in a house where the only person who knows how to cook is busy fighting in a pool of lava. I don't really have a choice."

"Hey!" Ryuko said. "I can cook too!"

"And if the recipe doesn't involve lemons?" Satsuki said.

Ryuko lowered her head and spoke quiety. "...then I'm screwed."

"There you have it." Satsuki carefully navigated her way to the kitchen, where many 'stepping stones' were conveniently laid out for her. _Thank goodness,_ she thought, _now I won't have to crawl all over the worktops._

* * *

In just under an hour everyone was seated at the dining table, with extra chairs for Ryuko and Satsuki to rest their feet on. But for Ryuko, something seemed off about her dinner.

"This smells like lime," she said. "Please don't tell me you smuggled limes for this visit."

"It was my sacred duty," Satsuki said, "as the only person here who knows what good fruit tastes like."

"Have we had this conversation before?" Mako said. "This all sounds familiar."

"That's because you're both so damn stubborn," Nonon said. "If you're getting tired of this conversation, you should just admit that Satsuki's right."

"Like hell she is!" Ryuko said. "Limes are just lemons for snobs, like pears are to apples!"

Satsuki spent a while just staring at her and grinding her teeth, until suddenly there was an audible 'snap'.

"That's it," she said, "you're going in the lava."

* * *

It was now ten in the evening. Satsuki and Nonon had gone home, and Ryuko and Mako were in bed, recalling the day they'd just been through.

"The Floor is Lava Day, 20XX," Mako said as she wrote the words in her diary. "No survivors this year. Next year, I'm hoping for at least one, even if it isn't me. And maybe one year… One year, for the first time… everybody lives."

Ryuko turned towards her and smiled. "Yeah, I'd like to see that too. But in the meantime… since we're already dead, and the floor's going to be lava for a couple more hours…" She whispered the rest into Mako's ear, eliciting a gasp from her.

"You want to do _that_ in the lava? But that's the ultimate taboo!"

* * *

A/N: Hey kids. We had a lot of fun today, but remember: The Floor is Lava is _not_ a game. Ryuko and friends may have made it out okay, but they're not real, and can get hurt as much as they want. When you play The Floor is Lava, much more is at stake.

Have a nice day!


End file.
